One: The Loneliest Number

Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is like him."-Genesis 3:18

Let me assemble for you a couple scenarios. Imagine you are in the park sitting on the park bench reading the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris and, BUM BUM BUM, a couple walks by holding hands. Or, how about you find yourself logging onto facebook and the good ole "stalker feed" comes up. You can't help but notice that *insert guy's name here* and *insert girl's name here* are in a relationship with that big red heart right next to it with a goofy picture of them at Disney World together. Or consider that same message, except "is engaged" or "is married" is there instead of "is in a relationship". Even worse, imagine you see a guy walking into a movie theater, who is surrounded by women, and they are all going to the "Sex and the City 2" premiere or a Taylor Swift concert while you, single American man, watches (alone) in sadness.

Ok, maybe the above scenarios are a little ridiculous (and I hope humorous), but I feel like they are somewhat true for many people. In American culture, you can't hardly get away from the whole "relationship" or "hook up" concept. It is broadcasted in a lot of music (and in artist's personal lives), Hollywood and pretty much in everyday life. We can't get away from it. It's even been a struggle with me. For two years this coming June, I have been single and have learned a ton about myself, life and God. I've probably learned more in these past two years than any other part of my life. The bad thing is that I have also experience a lot of loneliness and depression during this time.

I find myself so much being hard on myself for still being single while I see many of my friends getting into relationships, getting engaged or married or seeing some of my single guy friends go out with some girls on dates while I stay at home alone. This actually has been a lifelong struggle. For years (and I still do everyday) always tell myself "I'm not in a relationship so I must be ugly" or "I have a terrible personality where no woman could spend the rest of her life with me" or (I hate this) "I'm still single at age 22 so I must not be a man". I also feel that millions of other people can relate to this. For the record, I don't want pity for this. The reason I write this is because I know I am not the only person that struggles with this and I hope this note could help other singles and even people in relationships.

Now, I don't mean to bash people who are in relationships, engaged or are happily married. I'm happy for all of you! God bless all of you and I pray you would all experience eternally lasting relationships with each other. I am so happy for my friends right now who are getting ready to be married or who are married. But, why do we desire relationships in the first place. Well, it's because it's the way God made us.

Right after God formed the woman (Eve) from Adam's rib, Adam said, "This one, at last, is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called woman for she was taken from man." After this, the Bible says, "This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh." This is found in Genesis 2:23-24 God made man and woman for each other. Marriage is supposed to represent how Christ (the husband/groom) loved the church (the wife/bride). We also must consider other Bible stories.

Look at Jesus. He is the most important human being even in history to walk the face of the Earth, yet he was never married or never experienced a relationship, according to The Gospels. Paul, the second greatest missionary ever in history, was single as well. Heck, people in my own life knows this as well. My mother (God bless that awesome woman), who experienced years of bad relationships (I was the result of one of them) never got married until she was 42 years old and has been married now for 12 years but boy has she had her fair share of marriage problems. See, relationships aren't always perfect. One of my relatives didn't get married until he was in his late 40s. When I think about it, several of my friends are still single and not for bad reasons at all. It's all part of God's plan.

We all want a relationship. We all want to feel loved. Yet, a relationship can satisfy that, to a certain extent, but it is only a real relationship through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that can eternally satisfy our eternal hunger for love. We really need to examine the Gospel to see what it means. Don't be envious of or angry at couples because they found that other person but be happy for them and wish them the best. Also, don't be angry at yourself or beat yourself up for being single. Christ literally gave up everything for us because He loved us. Look what God did for Leah in Genesis 29. She was the sister of the much better looking Rachel and both of them were married to Jacob. Jacob loved Rachel more because of her good looks, but God ended up loving Leah because, well, no one else would. He even opened up her womb and produced part of the 12 tribes of Israel. The line of Judah came out of her womb, which King David and Jesus Himself was in. Also, Jacob was committing a sin by having more than one wife for himself (a frequent sin throughout the Old Testament, but that besides the point. Anyways, back to the Leah story. That's how our God loves us. When we feel no one else does, He will do what others will not do and love us. THAT IS HOW AWESOME OF A GOD WE SERVE! We need to realize that God is the true bridegroom and we (as believers) are the bride. Don't blame God for your singleness. Use it as an opportunity to really find out who you are and who you are in Christ most of all. Our relationship with God should be the highest priority in our life above all other relationships, including ones with spouses. BE ENCOURAGED!!!

"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19

In Him,
Dutton